i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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