It's Friday. Sex?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
