I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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