last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
