the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
