Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
