I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
