You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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