i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
