I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
