when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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