I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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