it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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