I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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