My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
