i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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