you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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