I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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