she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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