Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
