Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
