My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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