I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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