If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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