You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
