I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
