Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Someone shit on the floor
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
