come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
