he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
