Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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