"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
