You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
