Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
