Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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