At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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