They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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