I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
