just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
