I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
