Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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