Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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