the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
