I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
