first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
