i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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