textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
