How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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