I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
