Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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