one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
