I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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