you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
