she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You ruined the universe
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
