i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
